I became a Christian when I was twelve years old in Dyess, Arkansas. My mother's faith and my brother Jack's devotion to God shaped my childhood. When Jack died in a sawmill accident at fifteen, his last words were about heaven. That moment marked me forever.
Celebrity Addiction Takes Hold
But faith and addiction can coexist in the same heart, and for years they warred within me. In 1957, I took my first amphetamine. It was like lightning crackling through my body. By 1959, I was taking fifteen pills a day or more. I would prowl the stage on speed, then weep as I sang "The Old Rugged Cross" - often in the same show.
I was the man in black, but the darkness inside me was real. My first marriage fell apart. I was destroying myself and everyone who loved me. At my lowest point, I crawled into Nickajack Cave in Tennessee, planning to die there. I was going to let the cave swallow me whole.
Cave Experience Spiritual Awakening
But in the depths of that darkness, I remembered the God of my childhood. Something happened in that cave - an epiphany, a turning point. I struggled back toward the light at the entrance, back toward life.
The woman who helped pull me out of my addiction was June Carter, who would become my wife. Her love and her faith were relentless. Through her influence, I rededicated my life to Christ in 1972 - in the same little country church where I had first given my heart to Jesus at age twelve.
Finding My Gospel Mission
Billy Graham became one of my closest friends. When I first met him, I thought maybe I should become an evangelist. But Billy told me something I never forgot: "Keep singing 'Folsom Prison Blues' and 'A Boy Named Sue' and all those outlaw songs if that's what people want to hear. Then when it comes time to do a gospel song, give it everything you have."
He understood my calling. I wasn't meant to leave my audience - I was meant to be a missionary to them. To the prisoners, the broken, the beaten down. That's why I wore black: for the poor and hopeless, for those who have never seen the sunshine.
Walking Toward Jesus
My personal struggles have been widely publicized. People have asked, "Is Johnny Cash really a Christian?" I quote Paul: I am the chief of sinners. But Jesus didn't come for the righteous. He came for people like me - people who need saving over and over again.
I walked the line between good and evil my whole life. But in the end, I walked toward Jesus. He met me in the darkness of a cave and brought me back to the light.
